Join the church’s Facebook page here. Please note this is a satirical article.
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My name is MacDonald Maloka. I am joined today by the author of ‘Introducing Ubuntu Stoicism’, Mr Tiisetso Maloma. He is, bizarrely, starting and naming a church after Dr Jordan Peterson.
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Question (MacDonald): What is going on? Why are you starting and naming a church after Jordan Peterson?
Answer (Tiisetso Maloma):
I’ve always wanted to start a church. I guess it comes from being a South African.
The country is blessed with many churches and successful charismatic pastors. Of course, a lot of them are from outside the country.
Their ‘Foreigner Mentality’ is something that is motivating and upsetting – upsetting in a good sense. It forces you to get up and do well for yourself as they have done for themselves.
It’s like Andrew Tate says, “A man without a vision for his future always returns to his past.”
Every man needs to take Personal Responsibility and charter a vision for themselves –far beyond their comfort.
‘Personal Responsibility’ of course is one of Dr Jordan Peterson’s tenants and teachings.
He has been a good source of instilling a sense of Personal Responsibility in a large contingent of men looking for meaning. This includes me. His message is now global.
So the notion of Personal Responsibility drove you to start this church?
Not entirely. As you know Mr Peterson has a book titled ’12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos.’
My favourite rules are:
- Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world
- Tell the truth – or, at least, don’t lie
- Make friends with people who want the best for you
I’ve found value in the book, in his many hours of lectures, and in his interviews-slash-debates.
The culmination of all these has compelled me to start a movement. I computed that this crusade will be better served under the auspices of a church.
A church has a pastor and other leaders. The pastor takes the Responsibility of leading the church. I am taking that Responsibility.
Our divine doctrine is that ‘we will be better than yesterday if we take action weekly towards a potential future, starting with small increments.’
He is somewhat of a controversial figure. What do you have to say about that?
Well, most of his critics are thought gatekeepers. They cannot stand it when a creative and innovative person has somewhat novel or proprietary ideas that counter their broadcasted virtuous narratives. So, they use the old-age tactic of SIGN language, i.e. Shaming, Insulting, Guilt and Need-to-be-right.
Such people are used to being the arbiters of thoughts and ideas in the mainstream.
You know how ideologues are. They reduce facts and traditions to their ideological narratives. If the facts dispute that, well, they resort to shaming and fallacious name-calling.
His critics are usually activists parading as journalists.
Here is a lesson for everyone on how narcissistic manipulators work. To feel self-righteous in engagements, they avoid facts, nuance, detail and sequence of events; they assert their feelings as important and higher than everyone else’s – or higher than truth or logic. Feelings are subjective, so once theirs are portrayed as the only feelings that matter, they feel like they are correct.
What I am not getting is the starting a church part. How does one start a church? How are you going to start this church?
You start a church by starting one. It’s small steps. I hired someone on Fiverr to design a logo. I have skin in the game in this because I’ve paid money.
The next step is a Facebook group. It’s live, people can go join.
Of course, these are the basic steps. The coming ones are sort of kept discreet.
What is this church called exactly?
The full name is ‘The Lobster Church of Jordan Peterson.’ Some, already, call it ‘The Church of Jordan Peterson’, or, ‘The Lobster Church.’
I am fine with all the derivative names – I own global trademarks to all of them; however, the official one is ‘The Lobster Church of Jordan Peterson.’
Won’t he sue you? I.e. you are using his likeliness to promote something that he presumably did not consent to
I am sure he won’t mind. He is a generous man, seemingly, from far. I am a good judge of character, contrary to my choices of girlfriends in the past.
Since you touch on women, will they be allowed in this church of yours?
Absolutely. This is the Church of Jordan Peterson and not the Church of Andrew Tate my friend.
To whom will you be praying?
We accept everyone, atheists and believers. The basis of the church is we want congregants who want what is best for themselves, the world and others, but through taking Personal Actions to sort out their own lives.
When you sort yourself out to become a productive and competent member of society, you become a lesser burden to people around you – your parents when you are still a youth particularly.
Lastly, why insert ‘lobster’ in the name?
Well, my graphic designer thought it would make the logo design easier.
THE END
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Hi, it’s Tiisetso Maloma. Thanks to my friend MacDonald for partaking in this.
Of course, this is a satirical article.
We used ChatGPT to edit some parts of this article, to a very minimum extent.
My book is available on Amazon: Introducing Ubuntu Stoicism: Gain Joy, Resilience, Productivity, and Defuse Anxiety.